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Tree of Life Counselling

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  • Writer's pictureAmy Bambury

New Years resolutions? or Terms and Conditions...

Updated: Mar 26, 2022

Do you make New Years resolutions? Do you keep them, or even remember them? I love to make goals for the year, I get a feel for the year and project my hopes and desires ahead and write them down. I start off with great intentions, but inevitably life throws its curveballs and I forget my direction. So, what about having Terms and Conditions for 2022 instead?

Someone mentioned to me before I went off for my Christmas break, about having Terms and Conditions for the new year. This really struck me. I thought WOW. Terms and Conditions. Now there's food for thought!

Terms & Conditions...T's & C's, are more rigid I feel, more boundary like, and feel like a line between yes and no, as to what I will and wont accept in my life in 2022.

Now, you may think that I cant control what happens in 2022, and you would be right, to an extent. I cannot control those curve balls, but I can control how I react to them. We can still have some choice in the things life gives to us.

365 days of 2022 are coming up for us, god willing, which means potentially thousands of things to happen and we can say 'yes' or 'no' to some of them. In this last year I have had crap weather on a holiday, unexplained lengthy health issues and a major bereavement included in my life's selection box for the year. I cant choose them just like you cant.

Generally, my first reaction to a curveball is to fight. I don't accept what's happened so I fight, and try to find a solution. (I think they call it denial haha), when the solutions don't work, I slump, exasperated and ask 'why me?!'.

I may even throw a pity party.

Before I crack on again and try and find other solutions I haven't tried.

So thinking about how I currently handle things, what T's & C's could I put in?

Well, I can put in self care.

I must do more things for me.

So when issues like the above arrive, and they will, I have some emotional resource to draw upon to cope with said issue.

Lets narrow that down by saying, 5 days a week I will get up at 7, meditate for 10 minutes at least and write my journal. That first half hour of the day, is all about me.

You might want to have your half hour at the end of the day and you might want to go for a run, do some drawing or play some musical instrument. It needs to be something that feeds you.

So T&C 1- get up at 7am 5 days out of 7. (caveat of illness coupled with forgiveness of not meeting T&C while sick)

T&C 2 Pity parties are allowed but must be short and attended alone. Instead Self compassion is needed. ( in the form of talking to my body- it seems to be talking to me, so I need to figure out what its saying)

T&C 3 Treasure the people I have in my life. (narrowed down to- set dates for get togethers, make regular phone calls and follow 'promptings' to contact people for a catch up.)

T&C 4 Make lemonade from lemons-

I actually hate this saying. So I'll rephrase it to 'Make the best of things'. (Enjoy the weather-whatever.)

I think you get the drift, so, what T's & C's would you create?

Will you say 'No' more often?

Will you put yourself at the top of your long list of things to do at least twice a week?

Will you talk to someone about something you've been bottling instead of holding it in?

Will you let yourself rest for an hour a week?

Will you not let that person take advantage of you one more time?

Will you be less tolerant of people constantly and purposefully letting you down?

Your Terms and Conditions are created by you, for you.

Draw your line. The lines you no longer want to cross, or be crossed by others.

Test it out.

Do it for you.

Respect yourself.

Get some Terms and Conditions and create something that fits in with your own particular set of rules.

It is your life after all...

Until next time

Amy B

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