As lockdown continues, so does the erratic nature of my emotions, along with many of the nation or at least the city or Leicester.
In fact I’ve no idea how the rest of the nation are doing with lockdown as I seem to be stuck in the Circle of Doom in Leicester
I wasn’t surprised by the lockdown extension, but this didn’t stop the need to express this emotionally. My chosen methods were, tears, and then forcing myself to do what makes me feel better.
So, last Monday I allowed the tears and the sadness.
Tuesday, I got up at 6.30am and began my morning routine that makes me feel better.
It’s hard to say why it makes me feel better, what makes anyone feel better when they do something?
What is it about a hot cuppa that makes you feel better? Or a walk in nature?
It’s just something it that makes you feel good isn’t it? and if that’s what you need, then do it I say. (so long as its not detrimental to you or others). On that note I will just say I think its ok to indulge in something for 1 day, whether that’s Netflix, ice cream or the duvet.
It’s ok to give in to it, but its not ok to stay there. Staying there is detrimental.
I digress.
In my morning routine I mediate/pray for 10 minutes, write my journal, do some gratitude and listen to my affirmations. I guess this not only allows me time to myself but also to feel some positivity and gratitude.
I did this for the rest of the week and felt much better. (Although if you were to look at my Moodscope graph you might think otherwise.)
It doesn’t last thought does it.
Why is life like that?
Why can’t we just lose weight and never have to do it again? Or I don’t know, have one lockdown and never do that again??
Excuse me if I sound like a 3 year old. Yes I’m fed up, Yes, I’m struggling not to be on control and yes I want my life back. This really isn’t fair!!!
(Exit left for tantrum and flailing arms and legs)
For those of you wishing to slap me round the face, tell me to pull it together and tell me it could be worse…here is your moment * * .
But you see its good for me to speak these words. It’s good for people to know that they are not alone in their madness, sorrow and fear. Yes fear.
Fear that life will not be the same again for ages. Fear of change.
Fear of death
Fear of things being worse
That needs speaking about, not hiding from. For when words are attached to feelings, understanding is gained. When understanding comes, clarity happens and in clarity space is made for adaption.
Method in my madness? Hell yes.
The Lockdown is so much more than being stuck, sorry ‘safe’ at home.
Lockdown is about a Pandemic. A disease that has ripped its way across the earth.
Lockdown is about fear, masks, losing your mind, loss of loved ones, loss of human contact.
At its worst it is death.
At its best it’s no longer being able to ‘nip in Sainsburys’.
Normal has gone and new normal has not arrived yet, but is still uploading it seems.
So until that new normal has arrived, until we have created our new normal in the worlds new normal, we have a sea of emotions to ride.
Some will ride them now, some will rife them later.
But, we will get to the other side.
I read once, ‘It will be ok in the end. If its not ok, then its not the end.
So keep breathing people, indoors, behind masks, keep looking for light, laughter and hope. This will end.
…And then it will be ok. You and I will be ok.