Tree of Life Counselling

  • Amy Bambury

Leicester Lepers Lockdown

Yesterday it was announced that Leicester, my home town, was to be the first 'Whack-a-mole' city to be locked down.

I cant even begin to describe to you the impact this had on me.

I was preparing to offer my counselling clients face to face work once more, which I have dearly missed, there's nothing quite like being physically with someone is there? (I miss hugging too, but the two do not coincide, I miss hugging my friends, not clients- lets be clear here, I do not hug clients- that would be awkward and very unprofessional)


Anyway...upon hearing the news, it felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. I wanted to hide. Under the covers, (seeing as that's where I was currently hearing the news), and not come out for another 2 weeks.


I was devastated and let all my 'Facebook family' know it.


Of course, I went straight into the 5 stages of grief.


Denial

'No! this cant be happening!'. I told myself, 'maybe my area wont be included on the map', that we all awaited yesterday, to see if our new found freedom ( I use that term loosely) was to be sabotaged by this invisible virus.

Who was I kidding. I live 3 miles form the city centre and knew there wasn't a cat in hells chance of escaping.

Still my denial and need for the next stage 'Bargaining' would fuel this hope. Ha. Bargaining. the only thing i would be bargaining was to not adhere to the restrictions and I would then be Bargaining with my life or others lives. not an option.


The next stage 'Anger' swiftly came into play.

Boy, was I angry that my freedom had been curtailed yet again, not that I had a lot, but there was hope. There was that big shining ray of hope that life could get back to some kind of normal.


That I might be able to get back to my office, be more relaxed out and about and maybe go on a date with my husband! (insert sound of a music track being scratched to a halt )- if you don't know what this sounds like press here.


Cue tantrum.

Cue withdrawal from anyone and everyone.

Cue woman scorned by the powers that be, feelings of not wanting to engage, eat, drink, anything really. yep, in fact Cue Misery.


Please make way for the next stage Depression.

Yep, sadness, tears, more misery and pretty much feeling sorry for myself. ( I'm now hearing those people who say, it could be worse, and then proceed to tell me exactly how), and yes I hear those people, but does their misery make mine any less?

If I stop this emotional ronacoaster do they feel better?

or do I continue and try to get it out of my system?


I'll leave you to ponder that if you wish.


However, for me, this is my journey, my feelings and my ronacoaster. I'll be riding it.


What I needed to realise and eventually did, is that I am not on the coaster alone.


All the people inside this bubble of Leicester Lockdown, like a giant Eden project Dome (but less tropical), are on the coaster with me.

We are lepers to the rest of the world 'don't let people from Leicester come in'- I see Caravan sites declare.

How long before Ikea asks for proof of 'safe residency' to ensure that we don't take our Covid designed leprosy elsewhere. Feeling like a Viking gatecrashing a saxon party (sorry not sorry 'The Last Kingdom' has been my gift in the last few weeks)


Alas, the day ended and I went to the land of nod. Upon which I reflected on my day, and reminded myself that all that happens to me, good and bad... is a gift.


A gift.


Hmmm


How could I view another 2 weeks, going in the opposite direction, as a gift?! I drift off to sleep wondering if a restless night is ahead.


Cue 6.23am


Eyes open


Wide awake


Quick check in, 'How do I feel?'


Actually, I feel ok.


Right. Come on then Mrs.


Today you fight.


Fight the desire to crawl right back into yesterday.


Fight for feeling better.


You know it feels a damn sight better than yesterday.


I am grateful. I don't have the virus. I am not alone. This will end one day. I can do this.


I have an affirmation that says I'm a superhero, depressed Superhero's don't look good. Just look at when Thor got drunk, depressed and he stayed there. Its not a good look. (sorry to remind you of that)


I am a superhero.

I am stronger than this. Today I fight.


Cue the final stage 'Acceptance'


I text my friend, tell her that despite a big black cloud arriving yesterday, today I would be attempting to create my own weather system. It might not be glaring sun, but it wont be that thick black cloud.


And so into the Leicester Lockdown I go. On a new adventure with all my emotions in tow and new ones to trip me up now doubt, but I am here so I fight.


And I'll get through to the other side.


To all my Leicester Conrad's, 'They may take away our freedom, but they cant take away our mindset!' ( sorry Braveheart I had to tweak it a little)


To all you people outside of Leicester, Be grateful, Be safe, Be kind ( to us especially) and when we are allowed out, welcome us with open arms...but not hugs, we're not there yet.


Amy :)



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